Nothing But Short Stories
by crono23
Summary: Ideas from my head, requests/prompts from the BCB irc, and plenty of other stuff. Nothing in particular, just a collection of mini-fanfics about my favorite webcomic.
1. Prompt - Loved Me

"Lucy escaping from the asylum after Love Me to take revenge on augustus" - jeroenhd

For Lucy, life in the asylum was a fate worse than death.

It was bad enough witnessing her best friend and love interest, Mike, murdered before her eyes. It was bad enough to have his last words curse her name. It was bad enough to know that the very girl that had indirectly tormented her for so long was the one to carry out the deed. The event had taken it's toll on her mind. Lucy knew she would never be the same. But the cherry on top was that the incompetent police force falsely accused her for the murder of her friend, and now she was being held in a mental asylum as punishment for a crime she didn't commit.

Though she did not like to admit it, the asylum was much nicer than the stories made them out to be. She was allowed some degree of freedom, though she usually wasted it in solitude, preferring to occupy herself with the thoughts of her shattered mind than actually converse with other patients.

That did not at all mean that she enjoyed it. Lucy hated it. She wanted nothing more than to be free. To be with her friends that were still alive. To be able to live normally.

And yet, she knew that would never happen. She had already tried and failed to tell the hospital staff what already happened. Even if escape was possible, she would quickly be found out and sent back to the asylum. The only thing that brought her some sort of comfort was the prospect of torturing Sandy like Sandy had tortured Mike.

But even that would not happen. Sandy was already dead, killed by Lucy's hand, but not in a way she found satisfactory. If only she had five minutes...how Sandy would have suffered...

As the months went by, Lucy's mental state deteriorated further. The few doctors that tried to help her could not get through at all. Lucy was gone, replaced by a walking husk that was Lucy in appearance only.

Eventually, coherent thoughts began to return to the husk, but they were not the same as they had been. Lucy had changed, no longer caring about getting revenge on a single person. The world would suffer for having taken away Mike. All she had to do was escape, and then Roseville would feel the same horror she had on the day her friend was taken from her.

The poor therapist never saw it coming. Lucy's planning had paid off and the therapist was violently silenced before a scream could even escape his throat. The set of keys she found on him was unfortunately not enough to get completely out of the hospital, but it was enough to buy her access to a part of the asylum where windows were not blocked by steel bars. The fall was a long one, but the only harm that came to her was a result of the rough pavement.

When she picked herself up off the ground, she smiled at the sight before her. The asylum was set on a hill a mile out of Roseville, giving her a good view of the town below. Tonight that town would feel nothing but anguish. And she knew just where to start.

Meanwhile on the other side of Roseville, Augustus opened the door to his meager living space, a small plastic bag in hand. He walked over to the center of the room where a dusty table sat and unloaded the contents of the bag onto it. A few packs of candy and a soda can were all it contained, and while wasn't much, he regretfully was forced to call it dinner.

While he ate, his mind wandered to a certain person he knew: Daisy. He hadn't talked to her since a month before Lucy snapped, and since he would be graduating soon, he felt he had to say something. School was tomorrow, he'd see about talking to her then.

With his appetite temporarily satisfied, Augustus grabbed a small battery-powered radio he had stolen a long time ago and turned it on. What sounded vaguely like music echoed from the low-quality speaker, alongside horrific static that only caused him to quickly turn the offending machine off again.

Leaning back on his dusty couch, Augustus realized that unless he wanted to see if the radio actually worked, there was nothing else to do. It was already pretty dark, a walk wouldn't be a good idea. Disgruntled, Augustus laid back on the couch, attempting to sleep, before he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Not willing to answer it, Augustus just rolled over and tried to ignore it. When it didn't go away, he pulled a pillow over his head to try and drown out the noise. A few seconds of silence passed until Augustus jumped up at the sound of his door being forcibly kicked in. In the doorframe stood a strangely familiar white cat.

Augustus stared for a moment, trying to process what he was seeing. Suddenly his brain kicked into gear and he suddenly remember who he was looking at. He opened his mouth to call her name, but only a scream came out as she sprinted forward and raked her claws down his face.

By the time the police arrived, Lucy was long gone. What remained caused one unfortunate police officer to spend five minutes over a trashcan, trying to purge the horrible image from his mind.

Lucy went on to murder ten more people, most of them former friends. The police were never able to find her.

* * *

 **Alternate title: A fanfic about a fanfic about a comic about cats. Not long until a fanfic about a fanfic about a fanfic about a comic about cats appears, eh?**

 **No resemblance to another bcb fic coincidentally named "Loved Me", in fact that fic has no resemblance to either this one or the original Love Me.**


	2. Idea - Piece of Crap Machine

"Sue gets her arm stuck in a vending machine." - My ideas list

Sue sighed in discomfort as her stomach rumbled for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Her haste to get ready for school meant there was no time to snag anything to eat. Lunch break wasn't for another hour, and the last thing she wanted was to go through several classes hungry.

She tried in vain to focus on what the teacher was saying, but her hunger made it hard to concentrate. She resorted to blankly staring forward, tapping her pencil idly on her desk while the teacher continued to talk about stuff Sue was no longer focusing on.

Eventually class drew to a close. Sue stared down at her desk, only looking up once the teacher slapped down a few pages of homework. She apathetically took the homework and her textbooks and walked out into the hall alongside the other students, trying to ignore the painful emptiness in her stomach.

After depositing her books in her locker, Sue began to wander the immediate area. There was still a minute or two before her next class, enough time to look for something to prevent her from going crazy from hunger.

A quick search revealed nothing. Disappointed, Sue began to head back towards class, when she noticed something in the corner of her eye. Near the end of the hall sat a lone vending machine. Sue quickly rushed over and stared at the contents of the machine. Candy bars, chips, gum. It was by no means healthy, but Sue was too hungry at this point to care.

She prepared to select something to eat, only to realize she had no money on her. Wasting no time, Sue quickly rushed back to her locker and withdrew a adequate amount of money. As she ran back, she briefly glanced at a clock on the wall. Just enough time to retrieve a snack and get to class.

Arriving back at the machine, Sue quickly fed the dollar bill into the machine and quickly made a selection. She watched intently as the machine began to vend her snack...

...And then it stopped.

Sue stared for a moment. The machine refused to go any further. The candy bar she desperately wanted was still stuck on the rack. She lightly tapped the glass. Nothing. Banged on it. The candy bar jiggled a bit but still remained where it was. Sue felt her eye twitch slightly.

Sue felt her temper rapidly rising. She was starving, and the only source of food for the time being didn't even work correctly. Disgruntled, Sue attempted to make the machine return her money, but not even that worked.

She stared at the infernal machine one last time. So be it. If the piece of crap didn't want her to have food, then she would get it herself. Sue quickly got down on her knees and began to shove her right arm into the machine in the vain hope she could still retrieve something.

After fishing around for a moment, Sue felt she was close. A quick glance through the glass showed that she was indeed close to her prize. She worked around for a second longer until she finally felt her hands close around the piece of candy. Satisfied, Sue began to pull her arm out of the machine.

Except she couldn't.

Confused, Sue looked back in the machine. Her arm didn't appear to be caught on anything. She pulled yet again, but it refused to budge. Slightly scared, Sue slid her leg up against the machine and began pulling even harder. She inhaled sharply at the sudden throbbing pain she felt, letting go of the candy bar in the process.

As she tried one last time to wiggle her arm out, Sue realized in horror that her arm was firmly stuck inside the vending machine. She looked behind her at the clock. Class had begun, and she didn't see anyone else in the hall.

Sue forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. She had been tardy before, she could survive it again. She wasn't going to go yelling for help, someone would come along eventually without her having to make a fool of herself.

While she waited for someone to appear, Sue closely inspected the small trapdoor she had shoved her arm through. It didn't seem out of the ordinary. She tried pushing the trapdoor up and removing her arm once more, but still it wouldn't budge.

Realizing there was no other option but wait for someone to come along, Sue attempted to get comfortable despite her position. She glanced up at the clock occasionally, becoming increasingly worried as the minutes kept passing.

As the minutes began to drag on, Sue began to seriously consider calling for help. Nobody had come yet, class would be over soon, and her arm was still firmly lodged inside the wretched machine. However, as she prepared to call out to the hallway, the sound of distant footsteps reached her ears.

But as she turned her head towards the supposed source of the noise, she saw nobody. Confused, Sue prepared to call out anyway, but was quickly cut off by the sound of incessant laughing from in front of her.

As she flipped around, her face quickly fell. Her friend Paulo stood a good meter in front of her, doubled over and laughing hysterically at what he saw. The display went on for several seconds, and even once he had managed to calm himself, he still struggled not to giggle.

"Pfffffhahaha, I-I'm sorry," he finally managed to force out. "But wh-what the _hell_ did you manage to do‽"

Sue watched and waited as Paulo finally managed to get himself under control before responding. "I...I got my arm stuck in this machine..." She said through her teeth.

Unfortunately for Sue, Paulo just burst out laughing again. Sue stared blankly as Paulo made no serious attempt to stop laughing, until an idea entered her mind and she imitated the growl of a dog, smiling to herself as Paulo nearly flipped and stared at her, clearly shaken from the sound.

"O-okay fine, I'll help!" He blurted out. "Just...just don't do that shit, alright?"

Grudgingly, Paulo walked over to Sue and began to inspect the part of the machine where she had stuck her arm in. A few seconds passed, but did nothing other than confirm that her arm was indeed, firmly stuck.

Paulo eventually sighed. "Sorry Sue...I got nothing..."

Sue refused to believe that was all there was to it. "Are you seriously giving up so soon? There has to be _something._ "

"Never said I was giving up...I just don't see what _I_ can do about it."

"So what? We call the fire department?"

Paulo scratched the back of his head. "Weeeeell...that would probably be the best option..."

Sue stared at Paulo for a moment, unusually calm. She took a long, shaky breath and sat still for a moment, before practically throwing herself in Paulo's face. "So you're saying the only way to get my arm out of this piece of crap machine is to embarrass myself in front of the _entire school_ ‽"

Recoiling from her sudden outburst, Paulo tried in vain to calm her. "Jeez, calm down, it's not that bad!"

"Not that bad?" Sue asked with a terrifyingly calm voice. "Paulo, I'm starving to death, this damn machine can't vend a simple candy bar, much less return my money, and my arm is firmly lodged inside it. I have a right to be angry."

Paulo chuckled nervously and began to slowly back away. "Uhhh...how about I find someone a bit more qualified, alright?"

Sue sighed heavily and watched as Paulo quickly walked back down the hallway. She leaned back in annoyance, but found herself rapidly falling backwards, nearly hitting her head on the floor. A blank stare formed on her face as she looked her arm which had just popped out of the vending machine.

By the time Paulo returned with the janitor, the unfortunate vending machine was covered in dents.

* * *

 **Interrobangs (** **‽) are very nice little bits of punctuation. I suggest you all use them as often as possible, these things need to be popular.**


	3. Prompt - Sensitive

"mike gets a call from Lucy, and tells him to come to a place, once he gets there, she takes him to a heavy metal concert" -NICKnick

"Hello?"

"Hey Mike. It's Lucy."

Mike smiled a bit to himself. "Hey Lucy, what's up?"

"I was...wondering if you'd like to come to the park in say...five minutes?"

"Oh? What for?"

"Heh, you'll see."

Mike chuckled a bit in response. "Aww cmon, what are you planning?"

"No spoilers. Just be there soon and you'll find out."

"Ehhh, fine. I'll see you there."

"Bye."

As soon as he hung up, Mike's mind started to race with ideas of what Lucy was planning. Picnic? Stroll through the park? He didn't consider her the type to want to do something so simple, but he was at a loss for what else she would want to do.

Mike shook his head to clear his thoughts. He'd find out when he got there. In the meantime there was just enough time to prepare. Walking over to his closet, Mike searched for a bit until he finally uncovered his prized blue scarf and wrapped it around his neck.

Unable to think of anything else he might need, Mike exited his room and headed down the stairs to the kitchen where his mom was working. After explaining the situation to her, he left his house and began walking in the direction of the park.

The walk to the park proceeded uneventfully. To occupy himself, Mike observed the trees. The autumn season meant plenty of stunning colors for Mike to gaze at while he continued on the otherwise-boring walk to the park.

As he approached the park, Mike's ears began to pick up a distant sound. Stopping for a moment to listen intently, Mike strained his ears in an attempt to pick up the sound. It sounded vaguely like music, but it was too far away to be sure. After a few more seconds of listening, he shook his head and continued walking. He had seen flyers advertising some concert recently, it was probably that.

After a minute more of walking, Mike came upon the center of the park. She hadn't told him exactly where to meet, but it was a small park and it wouldn't be too hard. Sure enough, after a small bit of looking around, Mike caught sight of her sitting on a nearby park bench. Walking over, Mike stepped around slowly into her field of view. As soon as she noticed him, the two cats stared at each other for a moment until Lucy smiled a bit.

"So you came." She finally said.

Mike smiled back. "Why wouldn't I?"

Lucy's smile grew slightly wider at that, but didn't say anything in response. The two absentmindedly looked around for a moment until Mike's eyes caught a glimpse of something in her hand.

After staring closer at said objects, Mike deduced them to be tickets to something, but they were too concealed for him to be sure. "Whatcha got there?" He decided to ask.

"Oh these?" She held up the tickets. "Tickets to a concert nearby."

Mike nodded slowly. "Guess that's what I heard on the way here...What band by the way?"

"Decapitated Jesus."

Mike immediately recoiled. "Wh-what‽"

Lucy smiled to herself. "Heavy metal band I found out about a while ago. They're pretty cool."

"...Heavy metal..?"

Lucy waved her hand dismissively. "Oh don't worry, they hand out earplugs. You'll be fine."

Mike shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I...I don't know..."

Rolling her eyes at the pitiful display in front of her, Lucy stood up, put her arm around his shoulders, and grinned. "Cmon, you're already here. You're not gonna bail already, are you?"

As he stared into her imploring eyes, Mike began to nod meekly. She clearly expected him to go along with it, and he didn't want to let her down. "Fine...for you..."

Satisfied, Lucy let go of him and began walking in one direction, presumably towards the concert. Mike followed slowly, still a little uncertain of whether or not to actually go through with it.

After a few minutes of walking, the two cats came across the place where the concert was being held: a small amphitheater in a good-sized clearing. Almost immediately Mike felt it was a bad idea. Through the gaps in the crowd, he noticed wooden crosses, runes drawn it what looked like blood, and various other imagery which he knew his mom would definitely not want him to see.

Instead, Mike attempted to suck it up, but the pit in his stomach only grew as he witnessed Lucy handing over the tickets to a man behind a small fold-up table and realized that whoever was in charge of the concert had no problem with teenagers watching.

By now Mike was definitely regretting his decision to go along with Lucy. Hoping she wouldn't notice, he turned around and slowly began walking back the way he came, only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Cold feet again?" Came Lucy's voice from behind his neck.

Mike only laughed nervously in response.

He heard her sigh. "Look, just give it...ten minutes and then see if you want to stick around, alright?"

Mike stared at his feet for a moment, but eventually gave up and sighed. "Just ten minutes."

Regretfully, Mike gave in and turned around, only to be met with a warm, genuine smile on her face. While he was momentarily stunned, she dropped a pair of earplugs into his hand and walked off towards the amphitheater, motioning for him to follow.

Cautiously walking after her, Mike slowly began to smile. _Maybe this won't be so bad..._ He thought to himself.

* * *

 **I was planning on adding a little more to this, but boredom and the desire to work on something new eventually made me settle on a cheesy ending. /shrug**


	4. Mini Story - She's Back

For Mike, time immediately stopped.

He didn't want to believe it. It seemed impossible. He felt like he was dreaming, even though he knew he was not. It felt profound, surreal, uncanny, and a whole host of other words.

But it was all there in front of him.

Lucy.

It was so maddeningly simple, yet Mike found it ridiculously hard to comprehend. He attempted to think of what to do. Laugh? Scream? Cry? Hug her and apologize profusely? He didn't know. And what did she think of him? Did she hate him? Did she still remember everything?

Unbeknownst to Mike he had started to drool. His attempts to comprehend the situation was rapidly taking it's toll on his brain. Lucy slowly stepped backward, growing slightly nervous at his display.

Finally she decided to speak. "Mike..?"

It was only one word. But it was enough to send him over the edge. Mike's brain gave out and his eyes rolled back in his skull as he fell backwards, creating a sickly 'thud' as he hit the floor.

Slowly Lucy stepped forward, inspecting Mike's unconscious body. Abbey and Daisy watched from nearby, similarly surprised. Lucy quickly took note and laughed nervously.

"Hehe...I'll talk later, alright?" She said before looking down at Mike, who had started foaming at the mouth. "...Right now I think I've fried his brain..."

* * *

 **Just a short stupid thing I wrote to commemorate the return of everyone's favorite feline. Welcome back Lucy. We've missed you.  
**


	5. Prompt - Uhhh, something

**Request is a bit too long to put here, but thanks to NICKnick from the IRC for suggesting it.**

* * *

"Hey. Hey guys! Lucy's coming back over!"

Immediately after hearing Paulo speak, everyone looked up. Sure enough Lucy was approaching the lunch table, her expression unreadable. Everyone watched, not daring to breathe as Lucy surveyed them all with cold eyes and cleared her throat.

"I have an announcement to make. " She simply stated.

The silence continued. Lucy waited, stretching the silence as much as she could before continuing.

"You are all no longer my friends. I'm leaving you guys for Augustus."

Again, silence. Everyone sitting at the table stared at Lucy, their faces showing everything from confusion to shock.

"What the hell?"

"Who?"

"No longer...friends?"

"Am I dreaming again."

"No you are not Mike." Lucy responded. "And yes, unlike Augustus, you guys are actually pretty boring. So long suckers!" And with that, Lucy turned around and began to strut towards the exit, waving goodbye to her shocked former friends.

The remaining people at the table fell into a state of shock. What had just happened felt like nothing more than a dream to everyone. The only thing they were capable of was staring at each other, mouths hanging open like a dying fish out of water.

"OH GOOOOD, WHYYYY!" Everyone immediately turned to look. Paulo, once calm and composed, was suddenly crying his eyes out at his corner of the table, comical amounts of tears flowing from his eyes in amounts that could fill buckets.

The pitiful sight acted as a chain reaction, and before long Daisy was also sobbing profusely. Abbey watched her cry, unable to choose between comforting her or finding Augustus and punching his throat in like Abbey had done to Paulo.

Sue quickly followed as well and collapsed to the floor, doing her part to stain the floor with ounces of salty tears. Unfortunately nobody really cared because McCain was long gone, Amaya had called in sick earlier that day (somehow), and Sue is a forgettable character anyway.

Mike however was doing somewhat well, despite the circumstances. Or at least, as well as one could be with a fried brain. The shock of Lucy returning was enough for him, but her recent announcement had sent him over the edge. Now Mike could only sit in the same spot, brainless look on his face as his broken mind tried in vain to make sense of the situation.

A few minutes passed, with three of the five people at the table crying their eyes red. Eventually Paulo became the first of the three to bring himself under control, thoughts of sadness replaced with thoughts of hatred for whoever dared steal away his precious Lucy.

"Fuck it." Paulo said out loud. "I have nothing to lose now. Anyone know who the hell Augustus is?"

Abbey snapped out of debating between being empathetic and carrying out first-degree murder upon hearing Paulo speak up. "Actually...I do..." Abbey responded slowly.

"Huh. How'd an idiot like you know anything about him?" Paulo asked.

"EXCUSE ME‽"

"Whoah whoah whoah, calm down there orphan," Paulo quickly told him, doing nothing to calm Abbey, "I know we both want to tear out each other's intestines, but we also seem to hate this Augustus fellow. Whaddya say we tear out his intestines instead?"

Abbey paused his blood rage for a second to consider the deal. "Hmmm, well...eh, sure."

Paulo grinned widely. "Excellent!" He gestured towards the exit Lucy had left through. "Onwards, my newfound friend!"

Thus, the two rivals-turned-brief-friends charged off, eager to enact revenge on poor, unsuspecting Augustus.

Augustus, at that moment, was sitting on a park bench, lit cigarette in one hand, strawberry margarita in the other. Lucy sat next to him, cuddling profusely and occasionally kissing his hand. Augustus would say something, but he felt the scene looked particularly badass to an outsider and didn't want to ruin it with affectionate sentiments.

"Hey! You!" Augustus looked to his right. Two strangely familiar cats stood a few feet away, glaring at him with an intensity so hard he could practically feel the daggers on his skin. Slowly he transferred the cigarette and used the free hand to lower his sunglasses. "Hmm?"

One of the cats - colored a bright orange and white - stomped over to him and grabbed him by the neck, causing him to shudder a bit and spill part of his margarita. "I hope you're ready for a huge ass-whooping, you little shit!"

Augustus ignored the sentence, instead focusing on a much more important fact. "You spilled my margarita." He said flatly.

"And?" Demanded the neon-orange cat.

"Nobody spills my fucking margaritas." And with that, Augustus transferred his leg from the ground to a very sensitive spot between the orange cat's legs, causing him to double over in pain.

With one dealt with, Augustus transferred his focus to the other cat. He smiled deviously as he realized who it was and calmly walked over. "Fancy seeing you here, _Abraham._ "

Abbey did not take kindly to being called that and immediately attempted to choke Augustus. "What the fuck did you just say about me, you little bitch?"

Augustus grinned ear-to-ear. This was almost too easy. "Come now, is there really any need for this violence? But don't worry, I see you like choking people so I'll give you a break." Augustus patted him on the head. "Your father would be very proud, you know."

"Fuck you!" Abbey reeled back his hand for a punch and thrust forward, only for his eyes to snap open as Augustus easily caught the punch. "Big mistake." And suddenly Abbey was thrown with enough force to catch air, smashing through the window of a passing car.

Smiling in satisfaction to himself, Augustus walked back over to the orange cat, who had somehow managed to stand up despite the intense pain he was probably still feeling. Upon hearing Augusts approaching he spun around and rushed towards Augustus, murder in his eyes once again.

Augustus simply smiled to himself as he executed a perfect roundhouse kick that sent several teeth flying from the Somali's mouth.

Content with the ass-kicking that had happened, Augustus sat back down on the bench where Lucy had been watching. The two resumed cuddling, while Augustus picked up what remained of his poor margarita and went back to sipping on it like a total badass.

In the end, Abbey died of blood loss on the way to the hospital, while Paulo wasn't able to find a job with so many missing teeth slurring his speech. He became a drug addict and eventually overdosed in an alleyway several years later.

On a lighter note, Lucy and Augustus got married, producing tons of adorable little kittens. Mike never recovered from his catatonic state, but that didn't stop him from somehow becoming engaged to Daisy and Sue, alongside Sandy. He wasn't much for talking, but he did amazing in bed.

* * *

 **I was neither high or drunk when I wrote this, but I wish I was, because then I'd have a good excuse.  
**


	6. Mini Story - It Was An Accident!

Paulo grumbled to himself as he wiped the sweat from his brow. For hours he had been working in front of a rendering tank, stirring almost constantly. His arms felt as if they might fall off if he moved them wrong, but he had no choice to continue stirring with the...was it a canoe paddle? It looked very much like one, even though that was probably not the case. Though he would not have been surprised if that was the case. The company hardly cared about anything else than money, preferring quantity over quality. It was very well possible they had resorted to buying a large stock of canoe paddles instead of actually using proper tools.

Yet still, Paulo continued to stir, pausing only to make meager attempts to dry his forehead. The sweat from all the physical exertion had matted his fur, and he could do nothing more than wipe at it with his arm, which was also matted and damp from sweat. This combination meant that even the slightest annoyance - be it a fly or an itch - was almost pure torture for the poor cat. It definitely didn't help that the tank below him billowed with steam, and the only reason he didn't drop the oar and walk up to the manager to resign was the prospect of the meager three cents he was making every hour. It wasn't much, but he needed some way to support Lucy back at home, and any other job was practically impossible to get. Even being a clerk at a department store was leagues ahead of his current status.

Soon, Paulo paused to take another out of many short breaks. He had finally given up on wiping his forehead. Both of his arms were dripping with sweat, and to try and dry his forehead with them at this point would be equal to attempting to clean away oil with water. His break was short-lived though, as he soon spotted _him_ \- the ominous word by which the managers of the company were known by - coming towards Paulo's work station. Immediately he picked up his canoe paddle and went back to stirring, hoping dearly his brief time off had not been noticed.

"All going well here, Mr Paulo?" Paulo turned and looked behind him. The manager stood a few feet back, watching Paulo work through cold, spectacled eyes. The gaze was enough to make a lesser man shiver with fear, but Paulo had long been used to seeing the emotionless stare of the company elites.

"Yeah, just fine, _Abraham_ ," Paulo replied, quickly looking back at his work before he could see the change in the manager's disposition. Though he did not get to see his effect, it was clear he struck a nerve, and Paulo soon felt his tail grabbed painfully from behind by a hand coated in a leather glove.

"Care to repeat that?" asked the manager, voice colder than before. Paulo grew slightly nervous, and began to slowly regret speaking out against his boss. 'Abraham' had been spoken out against many times before, it never ended well for the employee that did so. And now Paulo was in that same precarious position. From here it could go many different ways, few of them good.

But while he tried desperately to conjure words, a sick thought crossed Paulo's mind. It was horrible, unthinkable, all sorts of horrible words to a normal person. But Paulo had been through far too much to let this opportunity go by. Even if he was found out, even if he was thrown in jail, executed, or banished from the country, at least he could do so knowing he had done something - however small - to speak out against the greedy capitalists that controlled America.

"Well?" Abraham asked impatiently. He was not given the dignity of a proper answer. In a flash, Paulo had shoved his hand over his manager's mouth, and had shoved him off the raised platform they had been standing on. The manger plunged head-first into the vat of oil and fat, giving no chance for him to scream. He did not resurface after splashing into the sickly liquid. Even if he was still alive, he wouldn't be for long. The manager was dead.

Suddenly Paulo was giddy. He had done it. He had actually done it! The person that had tortured him for so long, cut his wages, and made life a general hell, was dead. Sure someone else would take Paulo's place. Sure he might be found out. Sure he would still be forced to work at the factory, sweating his skin off by working in front of a tub of oil. But he couldn't think about anything else at that moment. His manager was dead!

Silently Paulo went back to working. As excited as he was, he still had to make things look natural. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice - and if they did, they didn't care or were silently cheering him on - but Paulo still felt it necessary to glance around every so often, as to make sure no one had caught onto him.

Eventually the process continued normally. Paulo still sweated horribly, but he no longer cared. All he could think about was the comforting fact that the only thing that would soon exist of his manager was a skeleton - assuming someone was competent enough to clean out the vat. Everything else would be melted down, turned into lard, tallow, fertilizer, maybe even food, and sold to the public in small, labeled, glass jars, containing a full list of everything that went into it. Excluding the cat part, of course.

* * *

 **Inspired by Upton Sinclair's _The Jungle_ , which involves people occasionally falling into rendering tanks, I decided to write about my favorite fictional cartoon cats falling into rendering tanks. Attempted to emulate Sinclair's style of writing for this one. Here's hoping it paid off.**

 **(Apologies to Sinclair and his fans.)**


	7. Mini Story - Cheeto-Stained Loser

"Uhh...hey Maishul..?"

"Hmm?" Mike immediately looked up upon hearing his wife's lovely voice. The bag of cheetos that he had been stuffing his face with fell to the floor, amongst tons of other empty bags and soda cans. The hundreds of consumed cheetos had taken a toll on him, and now his hands and face were colored a bright orange. A sight that caused Sandy to shiver as the bulbous Korat turned to face her.

"We uhh...we need to talk..." Sandy started, trying not to gag on the smell of body odor and trash which had long become one with the office room.

"Oh, sure! Just lemme finish this one level," Mike replied, and shifted his obese form yet again to face his computer. The office chair creaked dangerously beneath him, having not been built to hold such weight.

"Well, it's kind of important," Sandy began, but her voice went unheard. Mike had already gone back to whatever game he was playing, and nothing short of a crane would be able to force him from his seat. She was forced to wait patiently, averting her eyes whenever he husband guzzled from a soda, or poured part of a bag of cheetos into his maw. While she did, she wondered just why she had married him. If only she had known he would become...this.

Finally though, Mike seemed to have finished whatever he was doing. He turned around to face Sandy, but not before attempting to wipe his mouth of cheeto dust with his hand, which only succeeded in making it worse. He tried to clean it a few more times, before realizing it was futile, and shifted his form once again to give her his attention. "Yes, dear?"

Sandy gulped and opened her mouth. She hesitated at first, as the words she was about to utter were difficult to say. Not because she still had some feelings for him. Those stopped months ago. Rather, she was unable to speak, due to the choking smell that emanated from her husband. It was almost burning to her lungs and her throat, and it required quite a bit of her willpower to not rush towards a window and force it open.

"Maishul I," Sandy finally managed, "I can't do this anymore."

The cheery smile that had been on Mike's face vanished immediately. "...Wh-what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I...I want to..." Sandy gagged yet again. "...I want a divorce."

Mike's pudgy face became aghast. "What? Why‽ D-don't you love me?"

"Not anymore, Mike," Sandy's voice took on a slightly desperate tone. All you ever do is sit there all day, playing video games and eating junk food! _I can't take it anymore_."

As Sandy finished speaking, she reached for an object on her side of the doorway. Mike brought his fluorescent orange hands to his mouth in horror as he watched her hold up a suitcase, no doubt packed with personal items. He immediately attempted to get up, but his spherical form was lodged in the seat, and his thick arms were not strong enough to lift himself from the seat.

"Sandy, please wait!" Mike pleaded, while reaching out with one of his meaty forearms towards Sandy. "I promise I'll try to be different! I'll only play for ten hours a day! I'll shower once a month instead! Anything, please!"

"No, this is it, Mike," Sandy said sternly, slowly stepping away from the sight. "I've already filed the divorce papers. I hope at least you got something out of this marriage..."

With that, Sandy brought her suitcase close to her side, and began walking towards the door without bothering to look back. Mike valiantly tried one last time to stop her, but all he could do was watch as his former wife left their house for the last time. Feeling tears welling in his eyes, he picked up a half-full bag of cheetos and began to sob into them.

"At least I still have you..." Mike whispered softly.

* * *

 **Inspired by that one image on the booru: candybooru/post/view/10924 (Won't let me post the actual link. That's pretty much all you need anyway.)  
**


	8. Mini Story - Perfect

It was a quiet night in the Roseville suburbs. Save for the occasional passing car, the night was peaceful, the only distraction being an old streetlight which occasionally flickered on and off amongst the rest of the lamps which, other than the moon, were the only things to bring light to the otherwise-dark street. Most of the lights in the houses had already gone out, but a few remained, either due to a night owl, someone still eating dinner, or something else of no particular interest.

In one of the few still-lighted houses though, the lights were just about to go out for the night. Two young teenagers, Paulo and Sue, had just finished sitting through a rather long movie, played from the old television of Sue's mom, who had left for bed much earlier than her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend.

While Sue had slowly drifted off during the final minutes of the movie, Paulo had not, though he was just about ready to do so himself. As the credits rolled, he slowly reached for the remote and watched for a while longer before turning off the TV halfway through the credits. He set the remote on the coffee table in front of him, then leaned over to flick the switch on a lamp on a nearby table, plunging the room into darkness. There was nothing to be gained from finding a proper position to rest, and even then he didn't want to wake Sue. Instead, he adjusted the warm blanket covering them both and tucked his chin against the top of her head, which had already rested itself on his shoulder.

Paulo slowly began to drift off too, but moments before falling asleep, a sudden feeling woke him up slightly. He remained still as Sue's arm slowly wrapped around his neck and shoulders her hand finally coming to a rest, draped from his right shoulder. A small smile formed on his face as he resumed drifting off, but this time a single thought occupied his mind:

 _Perfect._

* * *

 **Something short and cute written for best ship.**


End file.
